Advice for Women
Overcoming Fear
 By Jonathan DeBoard
It was another long day at work. Even at the end of a normal month the compilation of reports is extremely time consuming, but today was much worse due to the server going down earlier in the day. Anne now resigned herself to working late as she heard others from work shuffle past on their way home.

Mr. Coswell, Chief of Operations, had earlier suggested she go home and start fresh the next morning, but Anne reasoned she could get more done working late, than putting the work off until the next day. So she poured herself a cup of black coffee and sighed. "The cats will be fine," she thought, "and soon I'll catch up and be home."

It was nearly midnight when the backlog of files were finally entered. Happy to be caught up, she put on her coat, walked wearily out the door, securing the building as she moved to her car. The parking lot looks different at night, shadows beyond the lights filled more with fears from one's imagination than from reality. Shrugging off her fears, she increased her pace and wondered why she hadn't thought of moving the car closer to the building while it was still light.

The sound of footsteps behind her were at first dismissed, but she could tell they were getting closer, even as she was getting farther from the building. Anne's breathing became more rapid, the sweat forming small beads on her forehead as she fumbled for the keys in her purse. "Only 30 more feet."

Now she could hear the breathing of the man as he got closer behind her, even over the drumming of her own heart. "Just 10 feet, that's all that's left." At that very moment she felt his hand on her shoulder, pulling on the strap of her purse. She froze in fear.

 Fear does that to us. It keeps us from moving forward. It stops us from reaching our goal even when that goal is nearly at our fingertips.

Want to start that new business, but you don't because you believe you'll fail? Most likely it's because of fear. Want to ask your boss for a raise, but the thought of rejection stops you? Once again, the primary culprit is fear. How about that rafting trip down the Snake River or the climb up Mt. Whitney you've always wanted to do, but don't? Want to talk to your sister or friend, and tell her you're sorry for hurting her, but you don't? Fear.

Fear immobilizes. Fear stops us right in our tracks. Most of the time it doesn't matter how wonderful or fabulous the goal, fear can always bring great plans to a crashing end.

It doesn't even have to be our own fear. How many times have you accepted someone else's fear and made it your own? That happens when we have a great idea that will certainly lead to success, but then someone we trust and respect says in a doubtful voice, "I don't know. Sounds risky to me." Then we freeze in our tracks, never realizing what could've been.

How do we overcome fear? How can you begin coloring your dreams?

Don't tell yourself not to be afraid. That just doesn't work. No matter how many times you tell yourself not to be afraid, all you are really doing is reinforcing what you want to avoid. With every statement, every self-chastisement not to be afraid, your thoughts are still directed toward the source of your fear.

What then can you do? Replace your fear. What do you think is the opposite of fear? Courage? Hope? Strength? I've done a lot of thinking about that question, and I have concluded that the opposite of fear is none other than love. You see, when you love yourself more than what you fear, then fear no longer has control over you. When you love your relationship with your friend or sister enough, then you'll drop the fear and seek reconciliation. When you love yourself enough to create a legacy for you and your children, you'll overcome the fear that keeps you from starting your own business. When you love yourself enough to recognize your own self-worth, then you'll overcome your fear of rejection and ask for a raise. When you love the audience enough, and know what you have to say could change their lives, and then the fear of speaking before a large group takes second place.

Don't confuse fear with common sense. If you are thinking about walking down a dark alley in the inner city and you feel afraid, don't starting chanting, "I love myself, I love myself, I will be safe!" Use common sense! The emotion of fear can be tied to our common sense, and if we neglect it, then we put ourselves at peril. Common sense demands we take appropriate steps for our safety and also plan for success for our endeavors.

Common sense is also a wonderful companion to our motivation of love. You see, Fear and Love are both emotions that must be evaluated by our thinking and then we use our minds to maximize the possibility of success while minimizing the risks.

Henry Ford went bankrupt five times before finally developing his Model T. Thomas Edison failed 999 times before his first successful light bulb. The right to vote for women was met with great resistance and many women put their lives at risk so that all women can vote today. Were they ever afraid? Absolutely! Yet it was their love for others that compelled them to never quit.

Fear stops us in our tracks, but love sets us free. Fear keeps us safe by accepting less, love motivates us to do more.

Shake off the fear that binds you and let love rule.

 
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